12 January 2014

Ambitious Start

Deflection of a need to add variety tends to become a monumental issue.  Should I take to social media in a rage of feelings of disconnection shut out and clean house so to speak?  Do I need to medicate myself into a stupor of mundane?  How do I learn to tolerate being offended?  These questions generated seem to provoke a need for intelligent ramblings beyond my understanding. 

The switch between needing complete submersion in everything intellectual to random foolishness catches me off gaurd.  So goes my thoughts to the wind, being part of the crowd and persecuted for it.  Where just showing up isn't enough.  What a disappointment it was to finally make that trip to the gym only to be sapped of initial compelling interest by the malfunctioning of the streaming music to my device. 

I missed this weekend.  Didn't attend or mention the job fair, the Disney Marathon or much needed mild temperatures that have visited the StL area until now.  My body and it's defense mechanism.  I'm in a constant state of slight dehydration.  PMS  never really happens (unless soaking night sweat counts.)  The circuit suddenly overloaded begins to leak without warning. Realizing the whole universe seems to know a trend better than I do. 

I'm not sulking, irrational, in desperate need for attention.  I'm not gifted with gab and don't write well in certain company I'm told therefore wasting my time.  I don't create excitement.  I don't respond to normal conditioned responses like someone else might.  Just sitting tight in this orange jumpsuit straight jacket I've found comfortable and adjusted slightly.